In my school days I developed over a couple of years an uncanny knack of being able to hit my target with a pee-shooter, which was, of course, simply a biro that was modified into the form of a weapon.
I entertained myself (and thoroughly annoyed others in my class) for many hours honing my skills to the point where I could confidently hit an object the size of a head (like say...a head...for example) from many metres away. My ammunition was a piece of paper that had been mixed with saliva to the point of consistency so that the tendency of said ammunition was to stick to its target.
A few incidents in particular may be worth repeating in the context of this website. On one occasion I placed a particularly large and particularly sloppy example of my ammunition into the barrel, took aim at a bespectacled classmate a few rows away and let fly. To see him half-blinded by a mass of wet paper spread over one eye of his glasses was very amusing to this serial pest, and I must say that the victim was amused as well, and took it in good spirit, luckily for me.
On another occasion I fired a more random shot across the classroom in the general direction of another victim, and to my (and I'm sure, his) amazement, saw it enter one of his nostrils.
And then there was the time that I fired one into the ear of a friend, after which we forgot about it until some time later when he underwent a routine medical examination at school and the doctor looked in his ear and found a foreign body that needed removal.
The last incident of note involves another friend who was playing chess in a classroom during the lunch break. He had his salad roll sitting on a desk near him, and I noticed that the two sides of the roll had opened, exposing its contents. I suspect those who have read this far are now saying to themselves, "no, no...he wouldn't have, would he"? Well...I'm afraid I did. I fired with unerring accuracy a sloppy chewed-up piece of paper straight into the roll when he was distracted by the events unfolding on the chess board.
You can imagine the amusement of this brat of a kid when his mate started to consume his lunch with much vigour. Of course, to get maximum reward for my deed I had to inform him of the addition to his lunch (after it had been eaten, of course), and I can tell you he was not that impressed...and who can blame him.
And if by chance David, Robert, the other Robert or Roy are reading this and recognize these scenarios, then I profusely apologise and I do solemnly swear to undertake remediation therapy for my anti-social behaviour.
Written by Adrian.